“Good relationships with others are essential for our well-being and health. However, we sometimes underestimate how happy engaging in social actions can make us,” writes Lea Mörsdorf (University of Zurich) in reference to the study “Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation” by Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley.

The study authors found that people tend to underestimate the positive impact of expressing gratitude. To them, their gratitude feels obvious, and they assume that the “recipients” perceive it as well, making explicit expressions of gratitude seem unnecessary. They may even worry that the recipients could feel embarrassed—when, in reality, they would likely be pleasantly surprised.

“Being grateful means noticing the positive,” says Christian Thiele in Personalwirtschaft. He explains that people often place the source of positivity outside themselves: “I am grateful FOR something, and I am grateful TO someone for it.”

This is particularly important in the workplace: “Young people especially expect a lot of appreciation and gratitude from their colleagues and supervisors! Otherwise, they’ll look for another job.” Thiele sees the main responsibility with leaders: “A true culture of gratitude has to come from the top. Because gratitude often struggles to find its place at work, it must be demonstrated by the leadership.” And managers, he emphasizes, should also acknowledge those who rarely receive thanks.

This is something that heart surgeon Dr. Dilek Gürsoy also supports, as she mentions in an interview with herCAREER: “We should treat each other with more respect. For me, appreciative communication is essential—between doctors and nursing staff, the cleaning service, the transport service, with everyone.” She also urges leaders: “For heaven’s sake, support women. Don’t let them go through the same tough path we had to take.”

Vera Strauch believes that appreciation does not have to be expressed in lengthy statements. Instead, she advocates for a “four-sentence feedback” approach, ensuring clarity and conciseness: “That does NOT mean being unfriendly or curt. On the contrary, I find it very appreciative to express things clearly and succinctly.”

I also find the approach of Radical Kindness by Nora Blum fascinating. She illustrates how kindness can help build bridges, resolve conflicts, and strengthen communities. Kindness is not a sign of weakness, nor does it mean failing to set boundaries or tolerating everything. Since kindness is good for relationships, it also contributes to personal life satisfaction.

There’s so much we can take from all of this to integrate appreciation, gratitude, and kindness into our daily lives—for the benefit of all!

herVIEW - Natascha Hoffner

Posted by Natascha Hoffner,Founder & CEO of herCAREER | Recipient of the FTAfelicitas Award from Femtec.Alumnae e.V. | LinkedIn Top Voice 2020 | Editor of the “Women of the Year” books published by Callwey Verlag
published on LinkedIn on 13.02.2025

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